then i continue to practice my PIC presentation after having some chocolate bar as my breakfast.
around 9.40am from hostel and walked to Stoddart centre.
well, the tutor came at 10.40am and there was another 2 people joined to monitor the overall presentation.
frankly speaking, i do feel quite stress when get know that there is 3 tutor to monitor our presentation instead two person.
moreover, i start to feel worry when listen to other friend's presentation as i saw there seems to be a lot mistake for my part.
during my turn to present my part, i seems to be have some "panic" moment again as i was "blanked" in some ways that suddenly me make me feel "haunted" about my past.
in the end, i end up reading the slide as i had forgotten something when my stress came especially when i saw the tutor face seems to be not very happy.
seriously i totally feel very bad about myself because i might ruin my team mates marks.
in fact, i start to dwell again and having some negative thought such as "All of my ugly face expression has been showed up to my current classmate" as i just feel to "hide inside a hole now" during the moment i walk back home.
somehow i just feel despair and speechless because after so many years, i seems to be not improving much although keep saying want to change to another person.
furthermore, i would find something to blame such as "blogging" that caused me to having some "disability" to communicate with REAL people.
sometime i don't really mean to have such "over-dramatic" or self pity thought but that my real thought after the presentation instead of keep hiding or pretend it doesn't happen inside my heart.
another thought that keep pop up in my mind was "Wow, just a presentation also can make me think until like the end of the world, how would i able to face my future working challenge" in real life.
on the other hand, i did asked myself what would i really can do after graduate other than whining about life?
in addition, i would even start to be superstitious about the "KARMA" thing because if those things that happened to me now couldn't be explained well, it must be my bad Karma finding me now.
finally i arrived back home at 1.40pm and cooked instant noodle as my lunch.
actually i was planning to go some nice place to eat but looking at my current mood, how would i able to "reward" myself after the presentation although it was the last assignment group presentation in Sheffield.
seriously i just hope that time could pass fast especially "my ugly face expression" has been seen by people and i hope they would forget it fast because i know myself well about my own "ugly face expression" when i look in the mirror.
besides, i do hope to seek for some counseling about my psychology mindset if possible as i start to feel something really "wrong" within myself when i update my yesterday post. (我心里不平衡？)
moreover, have anyone ever heard before about a saying's that "if you spend X time to do something and you want to cure it, you need to spend 3 times of the X time to correct it back" in life.
for example, if i want to quit my blog after writing for almost 6 years, i would need 18 years to train my real life communication skill with people.
therefore this might be the reason why until now i still remain single after so long.
it is because i think that if i can't able to take care about myself, how would i able to take care for other's people and what would a girl think about me if they saw that i had such a negative thought as this would be a reason why i prefer to stay as an anonymous person to express my feelings.
in deed i do admit that i felt lonely when think about "someone" some time.
during the evening, i just saw a video about "The Innovation of Loneliness" as below or the link >>> Here.
seriously i just feel totally demotivated when i saw the video when it say's "Instead of building true friendships, we are obsessed with endless personal promotion, investing hours on building our profile, pursuing an optimal order of words in our next message, choosing the pictures in which we look our best, all of which is meant to serve a desirable image of who we are. We are expecting more from technology, and less from each other" which seems to be referring to myself.
maybe we just want to find someone to "Like" us in the end of our day?
honestly, i do feel "down" after writing for so many years as this might be what people say that you will not continue to blog about your life in long term because it might "devour" yourself in the end.
anyways, i just feel so tired to think about it and went to take a nap.
the moment i woke up again was 7.40pm and went to my friend house to cook instant noodle as my dinner again while watching the Lord of the Ring movie from the television.
actually my friend was going to Spearmint Rhino Gentlemen's Club Sheffield tonight after saying for so long but i was not joining since i feel like not getting any invitation or i should ask that i want to go?
however, my "self torturing" thought that i shouldn't be keep going out after having bad presentation had prevented me from even asking about it.
after i reached home, i just continue to watch the previous and the latest 27th episode of "Triumph In The Skies 2" (衝上雲霄II) HK drama as shown below.
somehow i start to like one of the song played that named "Maybe You'll Change Your Mind" by Peter Marsh in the drama as shown below or the link >>> Here.
seriously i really like the lyrics especially those that highlighted in purple as shown below.
__________________________________Memories, never die.
Our faces just can't lie.
People they changes as time, goes by.
Valentine and Christmas eve,
Time just seems to fly.
People they changes as time, goes by.
We could get old, with memories of gold,
Sitting at our rocking chair.
I can see, you and me living without again.
So my dear, now it's clear,
Your faces just can't lie.
Some people say I've been blind.
You have to be cruel to be kind.
Maybe you'll change your mind, one day.
I look at myself in the mirror,
Try to raise a smile,
I wish I could see you and me together for a while.
So my dear, now it's clear,
Your faces just can't lie.
Some people say I've been blind.
You have to be cruel to be kind.
Maybe you'll change your mind, one day.
__________________________________
well, i just can say that i am not trying to be an "overly-drama-king" here when placing the lyrics here but that's is what i feel about "someone" although i know it shall be over long time ago.
before i end my post, i would like to share something positive about "7 Rules of Life" as shown below.
___________________________________
1) Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.
2) What others think of you is none of your business.
3) Time heals almost everything, give it time.
4) Don’t compare your life to others and don’t judge them. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
5) Stop thinking too much, it’s alright not to know the answers. They will come to you when you least expect it.
6) No one is in charge of your happiness, except you.
7) Smile. You don’t own all the problems in the world.
___________________________________
(Self Expenses note: Today £0, Yesterday total £100.40, Total up to date £100.40)
=D