somehow i had automatically awakened by some weird dream such as making a cool wishing card box and something related to Facebook urinate dispenser product according to my phone note.
in fact, i was having different type of emotions especially the "down side" while writing this post based on the noted that i had written while i was feeling despair after something happened.
after that, i just have some chocolate biscuit as my breakfast although my sore throat haven fully cure yet.
around 8.50am i make a move to Adsett building to attend the E-Business Management (EBM) lecture.
the morning lecture teaches about the electronic marketplaces, management issues in e-market with the reality, private industrial network (PIN), hubs and portals definition.
however, i don't really pay much attention on it since it was something that i heard before.
besides, i start to feel "excited" when the lecturer say that they will distribute our EBM coursework marks during seminar class the seminar class as i have some high expectation about my result.
after the class end, i went to Castle market a while with some friend and arrived home at 10.55am.
then i just cook the instant noodles with different type of ingredient as my lunch as shown below.
well, the EBM seminar class was replaced with a new tutor who named "Arun" and i can sense he was a knowledgeable person while teaching us.
after explaining the supply chain management related things, it is continued with the Elemica chemical company case study.
after some moment, we was eager to know our EBM individual coursework result and he start to distribute our paper with marks.
when i received my coursework marks, i was having "shocked" feelings because my expectation was to get at least 50 to 65 marks but the result came out was only 40% that is the passing rate and i just feel totally despair during that moment because i did put my effort on doing this assignment especially it is related to social media question since i have a lot of experience of using it.
somehow i do asked the tutor about it and the feedback from him was i did not include much of my own opinion for analysis after reading so much of information although he was not the person who marks it.
moreover, i still remember that i did submit the EBM draft before the final submission date of assignment and the tutor say my works was quite okay, just that need to further elaborate during that moment.
according to the personalized comments that i received from the tutor, it says that "Your submission was not really produced in an essay format. The content was very historical and didn't really address the question posted. It was descriptive and lacked supportive academic theories. There was no evidence of research into any of the seminar/module material. (and no mention of core text!)" with the 40% marks that make me feel so "down" again as shown below.
therefore this might be the reason why i get such low marks as i tends to be misunderstand by answering it in a wrong way and was totally "speechless+helpless" feelings as i can't redo it since it had become a fact.
frankly speaking, i don't really have any mood to answer the Elemica chemical company case study after receiving my result as i just hope the class faster ends.
after the class end at 3.30pm, i just walked alone back home and here come all the "negativity thought" started to haunt me down as i had written this note in my phone on the way back home.
well, my thought at that moment was "I seems to be wasting my parents effort to send me study overseas as i might just be wasting the money" and if someone say money is not important or main factor, would you mind to give me back the RM40,000 as this would solve my problem once and for all.
moreover, i also felt that i seems to make a wrong decision to continue further study my degree certification in Sheffield Hallam University (SHU) while looking at my personalities and financial situation because the education money can be used in a more better way right?
furthermore, i don't think i am able to save RM40K within 2 years time to buy property or open business when i back to work in Malaysia and start to feel that "paid education system" was just a "rich people game" in reality because as a student, you might not face as much stress as working adult.
in fact, i admit that the reason why i decided to get my degree certificate was to "show off" to those company company who looked down on my "Tarc advance diploma" qualification as it just looks like diploma certificate in their point of view although the degree cert is consider quite common nowadays.
somehow i couldn't really find the exact answer to be successful because some people came out to work as young as 18 years old after SPM also can earn 5 figure salary in the sales, insurance, property, car and a lot of ways to earn money as i was just have the "reconciled" (不甘心) feelings to "lose" (Kiasu) when we compare our working salary in future.
finally i arrived back home at 4pm but still continue to "dwell" around with my bad results feelings.
maybe the reason i feel so was due to my problem is a real life experience that is totally not a fiction or being dramatic about my life and i do feel that how great if i am able to read through someone real life experience about studying in SHU is worth or not.
however, there is no people who write as detailed as i did partly because they seems to be more enjoy and my opinion can't be a conclusion of everything since different people have different opinion.
somehow i do have an "evil thought" about whether i should tell lies/cheat my parents that i having a good result such as upper 2nd class instead of having 3rd class degree which is quite "dying feelings" to think about it now.
besides, i just rejected a friend invitation to some park as i don't have mood to go anywhere.
after some moment, i just cooked some burrito wraps as together with the Pringles Margherita pizza flavour as my teatime to distract "something" as below.
maybe i still feel repentant (遗憾) with myself that i did not have any actual goal or objective about what i want to be in my life other than keep grumbling in some ways.
on the other hand, i do saw a news about the Pentagon US is short of Air Force fighter pilots and offering a good salary package to make the job more enticing.
during the night, i just cook the remaining noodles added hams with some sauce and shared with a friend as shown below.
anyways, he was right that there is no use to feel bad for it since it was the fact and the only things i can do was to do better for the final exam.
somehow i do read about the past year's question and some of the format seems to be changed a little and i also write down the examination time for E-Business Management (25-6T17-00C) and Strategic Marketing Management (25-6T58-00C) venue at Hallam Hall, Level 6, Owen Building, City Campus as below.
besides, i would like to share an interesting video about the "Emotional Tone Scale" in life as shown below or the link >>> Here.
according the video, the chart of human evaluation starting with enthusiasm, cheerfulness, conservatism, boredom, antagonism, anger, covert hostility, fear, grief and apathy where this skills might enables one to both predict and understand human behavior in all its manifestations because chronic tone to predict people behavior about others.
however, the most dangerous tone of all is covert hostility, here is the person who smile at your face and stab you at your back, because they are secretly destroy you without you being notice about it.
somehow i did feel myself tends to fall on the grief mode for "emoing" too long and i did understand that life still go on no matter how sad you're as it is useless to cry over a split milk.
later on, my friend just came to tell me about after Europe plan trip related things while looking on the map but i still feel don't have much mood due to the poor result as shown below.
furthermore, i don't have the "unlimited budget" like him and therefore i can't really go much place in order to save some money when back to Malaysia.
one thing for sure was i will be visiting Europe and Germany country again when i become rich.
at last, i tends to be easily "struggle" with my current feelings because i don't really have good mood to write this post but ended up writing again.
(Self Expenses note: Today £0, Yesterday total £949.40, Total up to date £949.40)
=.=