well, it seems like a perfect date to "die" (44) in Chinese readings when i look at the clock. (hinting me that this day might be a good day to say goodbye for something?)
after getting myself prepared, i make a move from home around 7.35 and the weather nowadays was so cold in UK as i start to understand why British people often talk about the weather beside than saying "Hello" when meet up.
around 8.30pm i arrived the underground station and looks like the "getting caught" incident does remind me about my own mistake as i just told myself what had past, shall be past now while waiting for "prosecuted" if they take further legal action.
anyways, i feel that the reason i got spotted was because of my own body language that looks guilty.
it is because i had moved myself from the left lane of the counter to the middle lane and this caused a suspicious feelings.
during the morning class, the tutor continue to teach about the collocation and speaking related topic.
somehow i do feel that the Mexico classmate that sit beside me seems to be not talking much with me during the speaking session as it sounds "perfunctory" (敷衍) as our session end.
however, after the swap place with another girl, it seems that there is a lot more topic to talk about and this might prove that when guy talk to guy, there is nothing much to talk about no matter you're from which country or what races if we didn't know each other at first.
besides, i do have some good conversation with the Korean girl after the tutor swapped our places as we can talk longer but get stopped after some time.
during the morning break, we are require to go down to the canteen for a small gathering because some friends are leaving after completed the course.
frankly speaking, i do have a feeling that somehow "certificate" can be bought as long as you have 85% of attendance to the class without having any examination to qualify whether we are fail or pass for this short term English course.
after the short break, we continue the next session and i just get to know a friend from Loas as he looks like a Chinese but migrated to Switzerland and he knows a lot of different language such as German, French, Switzerland, Loa, Cantonese and others.
then we went to the student lounge as the tutor shared 3 different English learning website link for us to explore around.
somehow i do feel that sometimes "information" is the value of our course that we paid for and the three English learning website link that you can learn for free is the Headway Oxford University Press, Exam English and Flo-Joe sites.
therefore we just spend about 1 hour learning from those sites which i actually feel that we can do it at home and it sounds like no need to come to study the English course.
after the core class end, i continue with my module class and the tutor teaches the "Talking about experiences" topic to socialize.
somehow i do agree that whenever we don't have anything or can't think of a topic to talk about, we might able to start with by asking other people past experience such as jobs, people you meet, holiday, hotels, restaurants, books, films, weird stuff, cities, jokes and more.
well, i do get to know a adult new friend from Libya and worked in Dubai as i can feel he seems to be a quite successful person but just weak in English.
besides, it seems that he was facing the similar problem when i shared about one of the weird things which i has ever taste to me when I was in Paris when i had eaten the Escargot from the French meal as he experience it after his business meeting dinner.
what i am trying to say here is that if i had never have such experience, we might not able to talk about the similar things that we encounter.
therefore this might be the reason of why my brother said before that "in order to be rich, you can try join the rich people network even if you're poor" as long as you didn't tell anybody and you're confidence about yourself that is the main factor.
it is because you can predict that people who usually study here seems to be came from rich background except me.
for example, study at here for about 6 weeks (1 month+) already cost about RM10K+ and i can't imagine how rich is those people who study for 6 month or 1 years at here just for learning English.
in fact, this weeks seems to be "burn/boom" RM2000" and i feel like learning nothing much although every second at here is cost for money.
during the afternoon, i just ate the sandwich that i brought from home and there was a Chinese girl sitting in front of me at the canteen.
somehow i took a "huge courage" to greet her and got to know she is from Hong Kong.
as we added each other on social network, i just know she was just 18 years old and in a relationship.
therefore i do feel that most of the international student from other country who study abroad seems to be having relationship at the young age.
moreover, i felt myself seems to be quite old whenever most the people that i meet aged around 18 to 20+ years old.
in fact, i was training my own bravery when talking with girl and suddenly feel that how great if i able to do this when i was younger because as i old older, i feel reluctant to change myself.
as for the "waste food" related part while i was still in canteen, i not sure whether farmer will earn lesser money if people stop continue to waste food when our parents keep telling us not to waste food, or else kids are starving in Africa" told by our parents.
somehow it is quite controversial when we think in another way round rather than the common thought.
during the evening, my presentation about my own country economy was not good because i forgot some point although the audience is very less.
however, the tutor say it was great but i do feel a little sarcastic in some ways.
after the class end, i just stay until night only start to make a move from there as i was planning to go home after the peak hour ends at underground station although the different was just only £2 different.
besides, i do phoned back my parents and my mother just saying's "don't think of the past" related stuff.
well, it seems that i do manage to put it at the exact off peak hour time which is 7pm and not really sure if earlier 1 minute touch the card would be affect the money deducted or not.
while i was on the trains, i tends to be dwell about a lot of problem that arise and suddenly feel that maybe this is really a good time to quit blogging for a while or maybe forever.
frankly speaking, i just feel that i don't really have any "identity capital" that i had done to invest in myself as shown video below or the link >>> Here.
it is because i might realized that all the while, 6 years+ in specific, i have been doing almost the same thing everyday as i didn't improve a lot, even if it just use 1~3 hour of my time everyday for writing my life, i don't really gain much and sometime feel frustrated/hate about it.
guess it was true that if you know you hate something and it is a waste of your time and talent, find a way to stop doing it and don't just because you enjoy something, it doesn't mean good for you.
it is just like looking at all those Facebook status updates or news, it doesn't really help you explore a lot other than i keep "lie" to myself that i might learn something but it tends to be a way of procrastination instead of bringing something really usefull that add value to myself.
furthermore, those "internal linking for my own SEO game" knowledge where i was trying to prove that i was right seems to be getting not much in return other than wanting people to understand more about myself as shown picture below.
please spend some time to view the video to get more understanding about "lonely" feelings.
the even more "funniest" part is that i am using an anonymous identity which is totally bring no benefits for myself when i "hiding in the dark" as i rejected a lot of blogger event invitation due to this matter.
somehow i do admit that being anonymous was just a way of irresponsible because you can say anything you like since no people would know about who you are in real life.
however, things goes awkward when someone know about your identity and the way of expressing my true opinion was the another way round of what i act in real life seems to be "killing" the friendship.
sometimes, i do wished i had not written some of those sensitive things back then for being honest although day will never come back as you can't travel back in time.
so this story just tell's that money is time because even 1 minute could bring a different as i had waited from 4pm until 7pm (3 hour) just for getting the off peak hour discount and the more you waste your time, you will discover those side effect in your later time.
after having some spaghetti as my dinner, i continue to write my "last blog post" (probably) and it was true that the more you recall back the things that happen, you will getting more tired.
perhaps i might start to understand why all those blogger who once active had decided to quit their whole blogging effort no matter it is 3, 4, 5, 8 or 10 years+ blog.
on the other hand, life is so much story and i do afraid about those "Hell video" but when thinking back, it just make me feel worsen as what Anonymous said before that if i want to be "pure", i shall just go Temple become a monk instead of studying or working.
besides, i would like to say THANK YOU SO MUCH for all those people who once came up and left me a valuable feedback and for making my "lonely" day to not so lonely.
seriously i shall give myself sometime to take a rest although it was sad to leave that i couldn't complete my 365th blog post for this year and all the effort of time and money that i spend on writing my life seems to be wasted.
perhaps from the beginning, i shouldn't choose "lonely" as my keyword as what i say/write might somehow influence my real life.
basically this blog post was just a confessions of a person who being so addict to blogging for regret what he had done in life.
apparently i was so "funny" to become so stupid "Sha Zi" (傻子) for writing so many stuff.
anyways, i am just quitting this blog but my Lonely Reload Facebook page might be still active.
honestly, there is far too much things that i want to express out but in the other way, the more i want to write down, the more stressful i would be.
what i am trying to say is if you had spend 6 years+ for having "emo+negative" emotions, you need to spend at least 3 times the effort which is 18 more years to be happy or positive and the people surrounded with is also one of the important factors.
(你是什么人便会遇上什么人；你是什么人便会选择什么人。总是挂在嘴上的人生，就是你的人生，人总是很容易被自己说出的话所催眠。我多怕你总是挂在嘴上的许多抱怨，将会成为你所有的人生。)
perhaps in future, i will be back but i don't think i will writing the same style anymore.
(Self Expenses note: Today £8)